Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!

Sometimes the funniest things that happen in the Courtroom are not necessarily the dumb criminals, but the reaction to the criminals.  One of the best days I ever had in Court was when I saw a Judge about fall out of his chair he was laughing so hard ant the idiocy of a defendant. 

Back in 2004, when I was a brand new prosecutor I was assigned an early disposition court.  The EDC is a court designed to move the less serious cases very quickly.  We give an offer and the defendant either accepts it or rejects it that day.  The typical cases that come though this court were drug related, felony DUI’s and burglaries.  On occasion we would get something a bit more serious, but it was not typical. 

One of these anomalies occurred when an armed robbery was sent to our EDC court.  The basic facts of the case are as follows:

The defendant, who worked at a Jack-In-The-Box in Mesa was off duty one Friday night, and he needed some money quick.  So, our genius defendant wandered in to the restaurant to ask his co-workers for a loan.  After asking everyone on shift if he could borrow some money and being turned down by all of them he did the only thing that makes sense.  He walked in to the bathroom of the restaurant, put on a ski mask and after coming out of the restaurant in full disguise, he robbed the place.  

Now let me try to paint the scene a little better.  He was wearing only a t-shirt and shorts, was the only person in the restaurant and had literally just asked everyone working for money.  He never left the restaurant, nor did anyone else come in.  He walked in to the bathroom where he didn’t even change his clothes, but simply put on a ski mask.  The defendant then pulled a knife and

claimed to have a gun.  Oh, and of course everything that occurred in front of the register was on video tape. 

The staff thought it was a joke.  In fact the initial response “very funny Robbie.” It should be noted that I am using pseudonym in this post.  Everyone clearly knew who he was. 

The only response from the robber was “Give me the f*&%ing money.  Oh and I’m not Robbie!”

After finally convincing the staff that he was serious, the defendant made off with just over $150. 

The robbery was reported to police along with the identification of the defendant and even his address, which has been pulled from his personnel file.  The police were waiting for him when he arrived home and arrested him for the armed robbery as well as the meth he had just purchased with the money he was so desperate to get. 

 While this could go down in history as perhaps the dumbest armed robbery ever, the best part was the sentencing Judge.  He started laughing at the stupidity of Robbie and just could not stop.  The Judge, who could not contain himself sentenced this individual as he recounted the sheer stupidity of his foray in to a life of crime.  The final stamen of the Judge was “In 20 years as a defense attorney and eight years on the bench, this was without a doubt the dumbest, most ill-conceived and ridiculous plan I have ever seen (great laughter).  Did you really think the mask would help?  What were you thinking (uncontrollable laughter).  Please, don’t ever commit another crime, you are just too stupid to be a criminal.”